Friday 31 December 2010

THINGS I LEARNED THIS YEAR

Disclaimer: photo not mine.




“The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.” –Meredith (Grey’s Anatomy)

THINGS I LEARNED THIS YEAR
I have learned so many things in the 2 decades of my existence. Some of them, I have to re-learn until I fully understand what it truly meant. Some are more memorable and meaningful than the others, while some stand out and the others remain forgotten until the moment I need them again. This year is probably one of the most unforgettable years for me…and this year:

I learned that life is like a series of rooms; each day, we get stuck in one room with one person, and that person adds up to who we are. (House)

I learned that the easiest way to grow as a person is to surround yourself with people smarter and stronger than you are.

I learned that it actually takes two weeks to start a habit.

I learned that no matter how much goodness you’ve done to others, they will still hurt you at some point.

I learned that being too nice can actually make you sick.

I learned that even the best kind of friendship can still break.

I learned that sometimes, you have to fight back and rise above your fears and inhibitions.

I learned that people always leave. But sometimes, they do come back. (OTH)

I learned that when somebody walks out of your life, it’s their choice…but sometimes, it’s your fault.

I learned that when somebody leaves, another one would inevitable take their place.

I learned that, eventually, all things would change…and the only thing that’s permanent is (your) family. (Eat.Pray.Love)

I learned that although change is inevitable, they always do us good favors.

I learned that it’s okay to mess up and feel like crap sometimes.

I learned that the things you wanted to forget are the things you most need to talk about.

I learned that ignoring the facts doesn’t change the facts.

I learned that bitching isn’t that bad.

I learned that the way people treats you reflect how you actually treat them…or sometimes, it’s just the way 
they are.

I learned that the ones who are capable of hurting you are the ones you love or the ones who love you most.

I learned that the safest place to feel is the place you most truly belong. Friends and Family—they’re the ones we call a home.

Most of all, I learned that each day, is a chance to learn and to grow, to choose to be happy, to live simply…and to be grateful.

The moment we truly learn our lessons are the times when we are able to apply them in the various circumstances of our lives. There’s a difference between knowing and learning, and there is a thin line separating them. At some point, we will realize that we grow more each day for the things we learn, the emotions we feel, and the acts we do for ourselves and for others. They say that experience is the best teacher and I used to disagree. But now I know that it is only through experience that we can say we have truly learned—the moment when we stop wondering what it’s like to walk on some other’s shoes, or stand on their grounds. Our experiences are as unique as their own, so as on how we learn from them.

Monday 1 November 2010

THE INVITATION

By: Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!
I want to know if you could sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I wan to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not to betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even if it’s not pretty every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments…

Tuesday 19 October 2010

Stories

Disclaimer: photo not mine.
Every one of us got stories share. Stories which may mean nothing to someone but can be life changing to other. There are certain stories which may bring joy, tears, pain and inspiration. There are different kinds of stories to tell—Stories that are happy and sad … stories about love, family, adventure, epic, fantasy, and tragedy. They are weaved in fashion that could somehow transcend time…hoping to captivate one’s imagination, inspire a soul, or just have the pleasure of being able to share a story to be remembered. When you read them, you get to feel what the character feels…you get to know the passions the author reveal behind it…and you get to know the morals each of them portrays. It’s amazing to think of the kind of magic stories hold on to their audience. It’s not a spectacle display of brilliance, but rather a humble relay of emotions. I’ve read too many kinds of stories, and after every one, I seem almost always inspired afterwards. Not were all happy endings, and I can’t help but feel broken for those stories who didn’t make it—but almost did. I guess those kinds of stories would always be remembered. But most importantly, the realization I always get afterwards would struck me the most. Somehow, I would always end up wondering if I could ever write something on my own, and touch a soul for it. Maybe, just maybe, it is the dream I’ve always dreamt of in my solitude.

Sunday 10 October 2010

LISTEN


photo credits: weheartit.com

I don’t hear the words, but I know how to listen.
Deep within, the ears of my soul are open.
That’s why even without words, I listen…

I listen to the gentle whispers of the breeze—it echoes the tiny voices of angels singing their hymns of praises.
I listen to the birds upon the treetops hum their cheers for the colors of the earth…
I listen to the thunder out in the distance booming its strength and might…they warn you of the storm there is to come…
I listen to the raindrops thumping in the rooftops…they cry drops of wisdom and character…

I listen to the sound of hearts—beating loudly of joy and sorrow, loneliness and comfort…
I listen to sound of little hopes coming from hearts which are broken… hoping to find happiness amidst the darkness…
I listen to the whispers of love and passion, from the lips of the one you love…
I listen to the muffled cries of newborn angels…they emanate God’s gift of life…

I listen to the silence of the night…that amidst this world of chaos, there is peace under the humbled light of stars and moon…

Sunday 26 September 2010

YES, I DO NEED THEM

I need my friends
During those times when everything seem so weary
During those days when I am late at school and they text me to hurry
In times of trouble, when bitches crowd my way
…and I need extra claws to shun them away
I need my friends
To laugh with me whenever I stumble
…and to hold me up on my feet again
I need my friends
When my allowance is short
…and they make allowances for my shortcomings
I need my friends
When everything sucks
…but they tell that everything’s gonna be fine
I need my friends
When some stupid jerk breaks my heart
…and they are there beside me, saying nothing
…and silently threads all the broken pieces whole again
I need my friends
To taut me of my foolishness
…but never leaves me, nonetheless
I need my friends
When all I wanted to do is cry
…and comfort me with chocolates and ice creams till I feel fine
I need my friends
When I am almost left with nothing
…and they remind me that I don’t need to have everything
I need my friends
In moments of victories and defeats, achievements and make-believes
…in my dreams, and all its possibilities
I need my friends
Who needs me back…
…who can’t go on party without me
…and misses me on holidays
…who shares their secrets with me
…and trusts me wholeheartedly…
I need my friends
Who, despite of my imperfections, loves me anyway..
It’s good being around people who loves you and accepts you for who you are…
It’s good to admit that you need some people in your life, who though crazy and imperfect like me, make life’s journeys thrilling and fun…
…and even if the future is vague, and the road is unclear… you know that you’re not going through it alone…’coz they will be beside you anywhere you go…

Saturday 25 September 2010

PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE...

Disclaimer: photo not mine.


WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Sometimes, the people we’ve come to know don’t always stay as they are…and the friends we knew all along are not fated to stay on our sides forever…the promises that were once made are almost always…forgotten.

People change ‘cause they have to, or need to…or maybe, they just wanted to change. It’s not always that the people you’ve come to know remain unchanged all their life. It is part of the life cycle that we undergo metamorphosis. But the hard part is, to accept those changes and to come friends with yet another stranger.


ARMOUR

I battled this life with comrades ready to lend their armors…we are a battalion of brave and united soldiers who promised each other that no matter what happen, all of us would come out as survivors—though bruised and wounded, are stronger and feistier.

…taking a look behind me, the battalion becomes lesser in number as days pass. Not because they are defeated, but because they’ve lost their way and somehow forgotten the battle they’re supposed to face.

Where are they now? Am I really supposed to go on my own pace? Or just accept the fact that some people have to walk their own trails?

My heart hasn't been ready for goodbyes, but it has always been open for strangers who are willing to fight along my side, and finish the battle I’ve come to face…

Sunday 19 September 2010

Dedicated to...FRIENDS

(Disclaimer: photos not mine.)     no road is long with company

There are friends who are always there for you despite the distance...
Friends whom you seldom talk to, but when time comes you need one, they'll unexpectedly come along...
There are those whom you share your dreams with...
Ones who make you laugh, cry and feel important...
People you just met, but made a great impact, and change a part of you...
The ones who'll come running to you when you cry..
and the ones who'll simply tug you to buy an ice cream 'coz they know its what'll make you feel better..
Friends who are happy when you're happy...
and friends who'll make extra effort to make you happy when you're sad...
Those who aren't afraid to tell you you're wrong...
those who'd rather hurt you with truth than hurt you with lies...
...and friends who'll walk extra miles with you inspite the rain...
"Friendship is when the silence between two people is comfortable"
It's when you hear what their heart is beating,
and even without words, you know...you understand...
"Friends come when the rest of the world goes out"
They're the ones whom you'll see beside you in all your victories, defeats, ups and downs...
"Friendship is when you keep stealing my chocolates everyday, yet I still keep them in the same place"
It's all about acceptance...it's all about understanding...
It's when they hurt you a thousand times, and yet when they come running back to you wounded, you can't help hugging them back...
...friends---they share their lunch with you, watch movies with you, loiter somewhere with you, spill secrets and gossips to you,...and GROW UP with you...walang iwanan, walang unahan...laging may hintayan, sabay sabay lang...

It's amazing how friends are found, and when friendships are formed...sometimes, in the most unlikely circumstances...but it's more amazing to note, the depth of your friendship, and how it withstands the storm...
_________________

There is this friend I know who always keeps me together when everything is falling apart...who always listen to me even when I can't seem to hear Him when He speaks...When I feel so alone, He always makes His presence felt...and I know that I will always have Him no matter what happens...even if they're all gone, He'll remain...for He is the best friend One could ever hope for...and the great part is, He is the BEST FRIEND I have in my life...and I know that no matter what I do or say, He'll never abandon me nor forsake me...(I love you, Jesus Christ...I owe you my life)

Thursday 16 September 2010

Hey Stranger!

Have you ever met a person...whom you know for a very long time,shared secrets and gossips for quite some time, and learned to trust in a long run? And yet, there comes this moment, when you come across that person again and saw a stranger? I guess it happens. That people change both for the better and worse at the same time. The challenge is, getting to know them over again...and having that kind of feeling that you're missing a friend in the eyes of a stranger.

What is a friend? What does it take to be one? And how long would you hold on to friendship that keeps on falling apart?

Well, at the end of the day...what matters most are those that remain...those who chose to stay...and the ones who came the unexpected way. There are times when you thought you lost a battle...but in reality, you gained a deeper strength and character which would only arise in losing one.

**to my prodigal friend, hope you'll find your way back to where you truly belong**

Sunday 12 September 2010

Just Wanna Ask..

Disclaimer: photo not mine.
How do you know if it’s real?

Does it matter, to know what the other person feel?

How do you withstand a fight?

Do you know that your instincts might be right?

When can you see the truth that hid behind a lie?

Do you believe that most love stories are tragedies?

Do you believe that sometimes, it’s simply not meant to be?

Do you believe in miracles?

Or would you rather believe that most times, it’s just a mere coincidence?

Who are you behind a mask?

Does it matter if you can’t be beautiful from the outside?

Where were you 5 years ago?

Who would you be ten years from now?

Do you matter in some other’s life?

Are you just by yourself most of the time?

Is life too short to live?

Or you’re just too scared of the real life there is to breathe?

How does your heart beat?

Is love, when it dies, the hardest thing to revive?

Friday 10 September 2010

Who's Your Prince Now

photo credits: weheartit.com

Somebody said, why believe in fairytales when they always happen once upon a time… in a far away land—I also thought of that myself. Why do some people would always try to believe in things that usually happen in one’s fantasies? Is it because dreaming is better than realities? Or is it because in our fantasies, no one can ever hurt us?

As a child, little girls fell in love with a prince charming—the one that woke up sleeping beauty from a hundred years’ slumber, or the one who searched for the foot that owned that glass-shoe and married her. Or maybe, the prince who brought back snow white from death owing to a cursed apple from her insecure stepmother?! Those kinds of princes who would also make you believe on true love, love at first sight and happily-ever-after type of stories. Maybe, these are the reasons why some girls pick up illusions of love-meant-to-be and he’s-the-perfect-guy-for-me-sort-of drama for every guy they are in a relationship with—looking for that someone who would take precarious care of their hearts, someone who’s gonna make you happy, always loyal, and the one who would make them believe in true love…or soul-mates. And when that relationship ends, they would say that they would never-fall-in-love-the-same-way-again…or, that they were never-meant-to-be in the first place…and so maybe, there’s someone else out there.

photo credits: weheartit.com
Relationships work out because couples try to work things out. Relationships fail because they try to outwit each others’ pride…or simply, they don’t understand each others’ differences. People would tend to hop from one relationship to another because things didn’t work out, or because their partner failed their standards, or maybe because they would always try looking for that someone who would make them feel special. What’s wrong with that anyway? There’s nothing wrong wishing to have somebody who sees your worth…but looking for a perfect someone is insane. Everybody has their flaws. What if you wake one day and suddenly realize that there’s no one in the planet that could fit-in your ideal man? Or that there’s no one on earth who’s man enough to never break your heart? Men are not cursed to be jerks all their lives as I believe it. I’ve seen men who rose above their imperfections trying to prove that they could also be someone’s prince. But trying to be someone they’re not is pretty tough…to be that guy in your checklist…someone adorable, kind, gentleman, value-laden, blah blah blah… someone could be all that, but one single terrible mistake erases them all… Because it’s difficult to accept the fact that no one could be the perfect one for us. There is always that person who breaks your heart, and someone who would pick up those pieces and make it whole again…someone who lets you believe in love over and over again, and someone who leaves you behind after. But there is also those who would choose to stay by your side no matter how messed up and crappy life is…someone who would enjoy that crazy ride with you…and at the same time, commits all that mistake and be sorry he’s done that. It’s always a challenge forgiving a person for the hurt that he caused. But somehow, having a heart that forgives and understands is so precious and rare…to still love a person despite the things he is and he’s not.



photo credits: weheartit.com
So maybe, believing in fairytales isn’t so bad after all…because all fairytales end up in a happily-ever-after. We would always end up in the arms of a person who would take up their white horses and drive us to their enchanting castles. However, not all princes are charming…they sometimes show up in a guise of someone we never saw in any of our fantasies…someone we never dreamt of…and someone who could not promise a life free of pain and full of joy. Also, our real princes often show up only once in a lifetime, and they are not always far from our sight… Who knows, they might just be sitting by our sides all along…

Maybe, some dreams would remain as dreams all our lives…because living in reality is always beautiful than living in a world of perfect pretends. Sometimes, feeling all kinds of emotions show up our strengths and vulnerability—thus waking us up to the reality of being human. Though some dreams turn up being real…it just takes some believing.

Wednesday 8 September 2010

Who would you be if you weren’t you?

photo credits: weheartit.com
Sometimes, I imagine myself being somebody else…to be someone who does other things, live in other place, and be with other people. Someone who has the liberty to be someone she is, other than trying to be someone she’s not. It’s fun living other peoples’ role. A character made up by some infamous author in their novels…or an award-winning scriptwriter in their major film production…or just an ordinary real person walking the streets while humming the last song they’ve heard.

Some people wear masks of their other selves because they’re afraid to reveal their real faces. In this world full of people trying to prove that they’re a lot better than you, it’s a real challenge to step up and find that fuel to be ahead from the race. Sometimes we feel that it’s always not enough…that our efforts always fall short despite the hard work we put into it. And so, the next thing is to take the game to the next level. Try to outsmart them, break some rules, and never be underdogs. It’s a mask of protection—trying to hide the vulnerabilities that would cause our defeats…and protect us from a total meltdown. When people see that Achilles’ heel, shooting an arrow is just as easy as 1 2 3. Wearing that mask would separate us from people trying to pull us down…cause somehow, we are on the same race as they are.

Trying to wear that mask is never that easy. Maybe, being someone else would be a lot easier. Pretending is a habit for some people…to pretend to be strong, to be different, to be good…and to be happy. Living in this world is crazy—being with people who would always ponder on your mistakes, and criticize your every move. It’s always a busy ride trying to prove your worth…it’s a fast pace world, that slowing down would leave you far behind the rest.

Being someone else is easy. You just have to play that game like everybody does. Because being you means playing by the rules…and playing by the rules would mean a defeat…because not everybody plays by the rule…there’s only a few.


I like to be somebody else…because being me is difficult. Nevertheless, being somebody else means playing the game like everybody else does. It’s a game of cheating. It’s difficult to cheat life. It’s scary when it comes back on you. So, I guess, I’ll just stick to being myself…no need to carry that heavy mask and play the role that’s intended for somebody else. No one promised that life would be easy…and nobody said you’d love to be different. It’s fun though, trying to play others’ part, and finding out in the end, that you’re the better cut among the rest. Rules are made to be broken anyway…so why not make your own rules. Have a better game to be played. Everybody does that.

Friday 27 August 2010

EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMEBODY


photo credits: DeviantArt
There are these struggles in a person’s life that nobody else knows about. And it’s the fact of not knowing what it is that makes people feel alone sometimes. It’s the feeling of being empty and alone in a journey without any strike of light even at far.

There are times when you’re hurt too much that you don’t know what else to say… you don’t know what’s there to feel. It’s like you’re too numb to ever feel the pain. Either it’s by choice not to feel, or it’s just too much that even your body can’t endure.

When it rains, it pours…but sometimes, when it rains, it’s cold. Some people love to watch the rain from their windows. It’s got this sense of tranquility. It’s like the sky is crying for you because your eyes are empty with tears. Just like a heart that’s void of emotions. The cold from within reflects the cold from the outside.

The songs you hear and listen to, are mere echoes of the real melody and words that some hearts long to say. When you hear them from others’ lips through their songs, you feel fine, because you know that somehow, you share the same feelings with somebody else.

When you watch movies, you cry. It’s like you know what they’re going through, and you know how it feels the way they feel. They are mirrors of the real world and they reflect the sentiments that are vastly true and vague.

Everybody needs somebody…
Somebody to lean on to and sit beside you when all you ever wanted is to cry… Someone who can stay with you and listen to your muffled sighs… That person whose warmth can ease your numb soul and cold heart…The one whose gonna sing what your heart longs to hear, and show to you what a beautiful world there is to see.

Life is subtle and imperfect. Sometimes empty, sometimes gray. It’s amazing how one can see the meaning of life through the eyes of someone else…someone you care for and cares back. How can an ordinary person make you feel fine deep within. How an eventful moment can change the colors that you see. How a void empty space can be filled by someone just by sticking around.

Happiness is alive when shared with somebody else. Sadness only happens when you’re by yourself. Everybody needs somebody to share their happiness with… and be able to share with you their own happiness. Someone…who can share a piece of their own world with you…and that’s when you realize that you’re no longer alone.

Everybody needs somebody…to feel...to live…to be free…and be happy.



Friday 2 July 2010

ANOTHER SCAR

Source: imakeityours.tumblr.com
Softly, Quietly
    the cool wind blew away
the remnants of a dark-colored day
like the grey sky on a sad mournful night
Nowhere to be found,
    Fallen out of sight

Horrid, Morbid
    Were the brawling of words
Stabbing the chest like double-edged swords
Like the restless strong winds & the stormy sky
Leaves nothing in the darkness,
even a sigh

Stranded, Undaunted
    was a heart in a melancholic summer
lonely and torn among the rustic infamous dagger
Like a lifeless fallen leaf in an auburn daytime hour
Reminiscent of those days,
    Like a scornful banter

Tormenting, Learning
    Once have been broken and tattered
Sewn together by time and improved character
Neither weak nor devastated
‘Cause this scar has been a memento,
of courage and mirth

Monday 14 June 2010

WORDS IN INK

Words by with-accusing-eyes (words can mean anything, but in the end, they mean nothing at all) from deviantart.com

“I know that what other people think are not so important as knowing, that the ones in your life you care the most sees your heart in a way that doesn’t need for words.”

Writing is the only way I could pour my heart and soul into. It is the only way in which I could explain myself—why am I like this and that, and what do I really want in my life—and the way with which I always come up with an understanding of my own self. It’s a reflection…a mirror of some sort. This, I realized, is the thing I love doing the most. It’s a gift God has given me to nurture. It’s the only way I could let others look into my heart. I always hate being judged for whom I’m not, and I wanted them to know what lies beneath this skin. Words, I’ve come to discern, aren’t always enough to express, but strong enough to leave an impression. I know that what other people think are not so important as knowing, that the ones in your life you care the most sees your heart in a way that doesn’t need for words. Maybe, it’s one of the best things about family and friends—to let them know you even without telling them. Not everyone knows, though. And I’d like to think that I could reach them with my printed words. This is my world, and I realized that only very few have come into it.

Monday 31 May 2010

VANISH


Disclaimer: photo not mine.
I’m starting to shiver
In this cold quiet ground
Waiting for my hero’s return
To savage my heart’s frozen sound

The heartbeat’s gone
The sun is down
The stars hide
Behind the cloud’s silhouette blinds

The darkness envelope
The misty eyes of love
Behind a river flows
Lost in an ocean’s ghost

I start to shiver
In this lost heart of mine
Deep in a river of sorrow
In the vast lonely night

I cuddle myself for life
While my thoughts linger behind
Why have you deserted me?
Am I not worth the fight?

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?



Sometimes, the people we’ve come to know don’t always stay as they are…and the friends we knew all along are not fated to stay on our sides forever…the promises that were once made are almost always…forgotten.

People change ‘cause they have to, or need to…or maybe, they just wanted to change. It’s not always that the people you’ve come to know remain unchanged all their life. It is part of the life cycle that we undergo metamorphosis. But the hard part is, to accept those changes and to come friends with yet another stranger.

Sunday 10 January 2010

STRAINED

Running… scared… lost…

Where would you choose to be when there is nothing else but darkness…
When everything is unclear, and you doubt the path you take?
Would you run away, or go further your way… until you see a light along your astray?
Do you doubt your strength and character? And believe that you deserve something better? Or just trust your intuitions, that everything’s gonna be okay?
How would change your life when it haven’t even started yet? How do you cope, when the only person there is in front is the image of your self?

I know I’m not that strong. Not even half of others think. I just go on with my life like day-to-day ordinary person, who is supposed to live up to someone else’s expectations. I have come to think, that people really get disappointed when the person they thought they know suddenly becomes a stranger. When the person they look up to suddenly becomes a disappointment. Not even knowing, that the person they know all their life, is not all person that she is. There are dimensions to her character that not everyone is aware of. And when it comes out, they can’t like it…because it wasn’t someone they first came to know.

I am lost in this bewilderment. Not been able to identify my identity. Sometimes I know, sometimes I don’t… but most times, scared… when I look in the mirror, I see a person who is struggling… trying to laugh everyday… and take off those skeletons hiding along in the closet. But they are still there… haunting my eyes like hell. A person who is trying to be strong, walking the streets like there is nothing wrong.

I am weak, I know. Cause I carry everything upon my shoulders. Meek and mute. Not finding the courage to shout and tell everybody that “Hey! This is me—a crappy little bitch in a mask of a friend, a daughter, a sister, a stranger—a complete mess underneath it all!” A person trying to find herself… A person trying to fix herself… It’s not okay everyday… Life sucks by the way… yet I still choose to walk on my shoes…to pretend that I am good.

I wanted to be different. I wanted to find the core of my existence. I wanted to be me. I just wanted to be happy and free. Is that too much to ask?

How can I move on with my life, when I don’t even know where I’m going? I don’t even know how to be happy with what I’m doing! All there is to do is to finish what I started—to finish strong and undefeated.

Lord knows, I am trying with all my heart. I am doing my best to go on with all these. I smile with strangers and acquaintances…laugh with friends and buddies… trying to find some warmth and melt the coldness inside. The busyness of each day takes all these dilemmas into oblivion. But when the night sets in, reality butts in and I am alone again…having these thoughts all over again…

Each night I pray, that God grant me the strength and courage to get on with another day. And each day I thought to myself, “I am a survivor”…surviving all these crap once again… I pray that, the good Lord send some omen that would lead me to the path I am rightfully to take. Whatever it is, will it be rocky, and stormy, as long as it is for me…I would gladly take it…just let me know if it is for me…just tell, it’s right to be me…

Don’t detest me, or judge me… I’m still young…and confused…and scared… trying to know what I want… trying to know who I am…trying to be WHO I am…

IMAGES

Disclaimer: photo not mine.


The better image of a person radiates upon the light they emanate when everything around them is dark…

People have different images for us, and we strike different poses for them. Some people smile in front of a camera to project a happy image…some kink their nose, raise their eyebrows, or pout their lips to come out unique and funny. Everyone vies for a good capture…who wants to gaffe in a camera pic anyway?? Although we love seeing bloopers, and we laugh at them…when a camera lights flash, we always attempt to project the better side of us.

In life, people have expectations of us. In their expectations, sometimes we fall short and sometimes we step up big. In our society, they expect us to behave properly, and we sometimes follow the norms either consciously or unconsciously. While some people wanted to be different and just be crazy, trip in the mirth of breaking rules, and top up the fun with society hoots.

When we bluff the real image just to feed in people’s expectations of us, we never appreciate the real beauty of the picture. Instead we always try to evaluate the beauty that is too well hidden in the mask of perfect pretensions.

In life’s photographs, it is never a necessity to come up polished and perfect. What people look in the photo is the real image behind the capture…the unseen behind the scene…or may be the mystery that we try so hard to decipher…

When we decide to disclose our self with people, do we choose to reveal the real us? Or allow the mystery to creep in and let them discovery the real clarity from within?

IN MY WORLD...

photo credits: DeviantArt


In my world,
Theres a little haven of a dreamer
Of stories kept untold
And of words left unspoken

In my world,
Theres a small corner of solitude,
Of silence and comfort
Where dreaming is easier alone

In my world,
I write the songs of my heart
On which the ears of my soul listen
Singing the melody of my life

In my world,
Theres a messed-up place
A place where nobody cares
Where I can be me
Free of prejudices and make-believe

In my world,
Theres a hollow space
Filled up by memories of the past
And of experiences from the future
Of lessons learned, and regrets earned

In my world,
There are vivid characters
Playing the stories of their life
Playing their story with me
Like a tangled yarn connected to each other
Each weaving their own stories to tell
And I am into itand they are into mine

In my world,
Theres an open window
Facing the horizon as it changes its colors
Looking forward to new beginnings
Uncertain of bitter endings
Like the mighty rays of sunrise
Or the distant melancholy of a sunset

In my world,
Theres a healer
Healing the wounds of a sinister
Healing the hearts that have been broken
Comforting the lost and nonbeliever

In my world,
I have a Savior, a Friend Brother a Father
Always ready to listen, to heal
He is the light on my darkest hours
My companion in my sorrows
My strength when I am weakened by my imperfections
My voice when I am muted by my apprehension
The eyes that allow me to see beyond my vision
The wind beneath my scarred wings
The oasis of my cruel desert
The warmth amidst the cold lonely breeze

In my world,
There is a dreamer
A little girl with various emotions
A woman in vague colors
Someone imperfect and emotional
Someone, though sometimes unworthy, is always forgiven