#note to self

"This is for the girls who have the tendency to stay up all night listening to music that reminds them of their current situation.
Who hide their fears, hurt, pains and tears under their smiles and laughs all day on a daily basis.
The girls who WEAR THEIR HEARTS ON THEIR SLEEVE.
The girls who pray things will workout just once and they'll be satisfied.
The girls who scream and cry into their pillows because the rest of the world fails to listen.
The girls who have it hard but don't let anyone know that.
The girls who may never have it easy.
The girls who have so many secrets but will never tell a soul.
The girls who have regrets and mistakes as a daily moral.
The girls who don't always win, who may never win.
The girls who stay up all night thinking about that one boy wondering if he will ever notice her.
The girls who get what they get and don't throw a fit. The girls who TAKE LIFE AS IT COMES, hoping it will get easier somewhere down the road. The girls who LOVE WITH ALL THEIR HEARTS but always get broken.

This is for the REAL GIRLS.
This is for us...

Apple Tree

“Life will break you. 
Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. 
You have to love. 
You have to feel. 
It is the reason you are here on earth. 
You are here to risk your heart.
You are here to be swallowed up. 
And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. 
Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” 

— Louise Erdrich

Chances... Choices

Once you let people in, you take the good with the bad... and not just the good stuff...and once they let you in, allow them to see the bad stuff too and not just the good ones. 

Once you decide to finally take a chance... to take all the risk--even if it might hurt you one day--you don't step back because you get scared... you step up and allow that courage within you to seep through your heart...

We don't always get the ending we want, but we could decide to make our beginnings worthwhile...

And when God gives you that thing you always pray for, remember to say THANK YOU, because he has given you that thing your heart has been longing for...

S T R A N G E R S

STRANGERS.

THEY ARE OF DIFFERENT KINDS.

SOME OF THEM ARE THE LIVES YOU CHANGE,

WHILE SOME CHANGES YOU.

AND THERE ARE ALSO THOSE WHO WILL REMAIN

TO BE A STRANGER IN YOU.

Strangers, again

I just saw this vid, as recommended by a friend… a story or something… and it hit me.

Those different stages in a relationship that some people says they go through… are they really all the same?

If I were to make my own version of these stages… it’s gonna go like this:

1. 1.  Strangers
2. 2.  Flirting
3. 3.  Commitment
4. 4.  Honeymoon
5. 5.  Comfortable
6. 6.  Tolerance
7. 7.  <<choose your ending>>

It was mentioned that in every relationship, one of two things will happen: either they get married, or they break up. If someone doesn’t wanna marry, does it mean that they expect a break-up? Problem with some people nowadays is that, everyone’s scared to get hurt, but not all give it a shot—that thing called ‘Commitment’. Many always skip that part, and take it for granted when in fact it’s the most important thing in any relationship, plus all the other formulas attached with it.

Someone once said that, “we always get the same love story that we wanted.” I want to retaliate and say, how about those who fell in love and dreamt of ‘forever’? They don’t necessarily get their happy endings all the time. I also remembered someone saying, ‘when we enter a relationship, we always hope it’s gonna last.’ We don’t enter into a relationship and make a timeline for it… But every relationship has its bumpy roads, it’s strange that not everyone seems to be ready for it. When we get past those hurdles, we get stronger and wiser. And it’s true when they say that arguments are healthy because it opens up each individual to be heard and hopefully, understood. The thing is, not everyone takes these arguments in this light. Some even make it as a leeway to end things up.

For me, relationships are messy… but having that someone who could understand you and accept you for everything that you are, and someone who could be there for you as long as it matters (and even if it doesn’t anymore)… someone who could make you feel happy deep down… someone who could make you feel special and Loved in the most unselfish ways—that for me, is the greatest feeling in the world… both a rewards and gift of which you would whole-heartedly treasure. How many appreciates happiness even when it’s not there in the surface?

It is true that somewhere in a relationship, someone stops trying… something always changes… and it’s always going hurt.

Strangers. They are of different kinds. Some of them are the lives you change, while some changes you. And there are also those who will remain to be a stranger in you.

Zilch 102

Yung moment na pinipilit ko na lang talaga maging masaya kasi wala naman mangyayari kung magiging malungkot ka...

Nakakapagod din pala maging malakas para sa lahat... nakakapagod din pasayahin ang iba, kasi nakakalimutan mo na ikaw din pala, kailangan ng magpapasaya...

Unfair ang life, kasi minsan, sa dinami-dami ng kasama mo araw araw andun pa rin yung feeling na mag-isa ka lang talaga... at yung feeling na hindi mo magawang sabihin lahat ng ito sa iba kasi ayaw mong kaawaan ka nila.

Images

We all have those days when we feel for ourselves that we are pretty… and then those days when we’re absolutely worn-down. Sometimes, we always wanted to look our best but that’s just not possible. If there’s anything I learned, it’s the fact that a woman who cannot be ugly is not pretty… that bad-hair-days are as normal as monthly periods, and that looking your best usually requires a fair amount of time spent in front of the mirror… but I’d rather spend a fair share of my allowance/savings hanging out with my friends—watching a movie, or FOOD-TRIPPING—than buying loads of make-up and changing your wardrobe on a monthly basis. Probably, it’s because I’ve got my best mirror—my friends! They compliment you when you’re pretty, and tease when you’re horrible… but I love them most when I feel like the latter, because that’s when they bring out the best in me… when I’m distraught and very much weary about everything, they sit down beside me and crack the most stupid jokes, and later on I find myself happy once more. And that’s when I’m recharged. When I’m happy, that’s when I feel pretty… and happiness inside radiates through you, and that’s when people see the real beauty in you.

In this world where good looks becomes a status-quo, I hope every girl out there would feel pretty deep down inside them no matter what other people might say, or regardless of what you might hear. Remember that you teach people how to treat you… so treat yourself right, and deserve the respect of other people. Never be afraid to be ugly, because those people who care for you won’t mind and they are the ones who truly matter in your life. Always give your smile, because that’s the sexiest curve in your body… and you may never know who you inspire with it. Feel beautiful inside, because that will always remain true no matter what they say. Beauty is subjective, and can never be defined by standards. So everyone’s beautiful—they need only to believe in it. And keep in mind that you will always remain beautiful for that person, or people, who truly love you—beautiful in and out. And most importantly, the kind of beauty that you would want to cultivate is the beauty deeply hidden in your hearts… because that’s where the most important people in your life resides, and that’s what God sees each day of our lives. A beautiful heart is the kind of treasure that our world needs… keep that in mind❤

Free Falling

Dear You;

When I first met you, you were really not my type. That all-seemingly-bad-boy-image you showed me was something I never thought I’d like. I don’t want someone whom I’d be able to talk to, and see for such limited time… but somehow, your kindness and thoughtfulness put my guard behind the lines.

Who are you behind the words you spoke? You set my cold heart in a coal. You made me feel those kinds of emotions I evade… now I couldn’t help it, I kinda feel soaked. You were there to push me at the edge of the cliff, saying “don’t be scared to fall”. But now when my heart and courage are set, you were nowhere to be seen; no one to catch me on my free-fall.

Love, you said you’d teach me how. I refuse to learn unless you show me how. Now that I’m alone with my shadows once again, I just seem to forget to thank you somehow. Even if you left me hanging there, those smiles you painted on my lonely days, I will keep them in my heart. Thank you for the friendship, and the courage you taught me—I never thought I have them inside me.

When I take my feet off that cliff, I hope to see you there to catch me as I fall. If not, I pray fervently to the heavens, to give me wings instead so I may fly with the mighty eagles and soar. It’s time to embrace my freedom, with the courage I was taught… don’t be scared to fall, trust that there’s a cushion to every fall…

Sincerely,

K.

P.S. I Love You

Best of Me

Yeah, I may be bad, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be good. Yes I made mistakes in my life—I made a lot to be precise—but that doesn’t mean I haven’t done anything right. Yes, I have hurt people, broke some hearts and made empty promises, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t made anyone happy in one way or another. I am not perfect. Who is? But that doesn’t give you any right to judge me and belittle my ambitions, and put me into a cage of perfect pretensions. Yes, I am not as good as you think I am, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give me any chance to change what you think of me. I may not be an angel in the eyes of many, but for those few people who believe in me… I know I am okay. And as long as there are people who believe in second chances, I will be okay. Yes, I may be bad, but I’m perfectly good at it… but if I’m better, I can give you the best of me.

❤Shoes

Photo Source: weheartit

Good shoes takes you to good places… that I believe to be true. That’s probably why, when people say that “diamonds are a girl’s best friend”—I flinch…because I’d rather go for shoes! Yes. Shoes. Sometimes, it doesn’t have to be expensive or ostentatious. All it takes is a good fit…a comfortable one. Something on which you can walk with: strutting your grace, jumping with joy, and walking on grounds of beautiful places.

When we dream, we dream high… we dream big… with our feet on the ground. Isn’t marvelous to have your feet on the ground with good shoes in it?! After all, you have your dreams underway… better work in it with class.

This is just me, a girl talking… a girl who loves shoes!

For What It's Worth... Thank You♥

I am not the best writer…... for me, it doesn’t really matter because I like what I do—- I love what I do. This is what I do best. And God merits me for being proud and loud with this talent. Sometimes, with my words, I can touch hearts. Some people would really appreciate my work, saying “that’s really how I felt”, “you made me cry”... and with all these, I am even more inspired. Knowing that somehow, even in the simplest forms, you are able to touch a soul- is such a heartfelt privilege that I am truly grateful for. Yes, I may not be the best, but I am happy and content. In God’s eyes, I am doing just fine. And in everything I do, I do it for the greater Glory of our Lord……... and that is what truly matters! In this world, we all want to be appreciated for who we are. When people appreciate all the little things I am able to pull out of all my imperfections, I am moved. So, for all the people who loves me, cares for me, appreciates me……... GOD LOVES YOU, as much as I LOVE YOU! Kudos! 

waiting

I know you’re scared…just like me. And I will be waiting until you stop being scared. And if you do, just tell me, and I will be braver…for you and me 웃❤유

RADYO.

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

Ang puso ko, parang radyo. May switch, tuner at volume control. At ikaw ang paborito kong station.

Hmm. Radyo.  Kapag ayoko ko nang makinig sa’yo, pwede ko yun i-off. Kung nami-miss kita, pwede ko i-on at hanapin ang favorite radio station ko. Pwede kong palakasin ang tunog nito para marinig mo ang isinisigaw nito. Volume up para makinig ka at maintindihan mo ang gusto nitong iparating. Volume down kung hindi ka pa handang marinig ito…at kung sa tingin ko ay hindi mo pwedeng malaman ang laman ng kanta ko. Kapag busy ka, may tuner naman, para maghanap ng ibang radio station. Para naman maaliw ako kahit papaano. Marunong maglibang ng sarili ang radyong ito. Ang problema nga lang, madalas hindi ko gusto yung ibang nahahanap ko. Kapag dead on air na ang favorite station ko, maari kong mapakinabangan ang tuning control ko. Gamitin ang fine-tuning para maging sakto ulit sa gusto ko.

Katulad ng radyo, ang puso ko ay gawa sa bakal. Pero konting spark lang, maaring magbago ang tunog nito. Minsan mo nang binuhay ito, at minsang nakalimutan ng puso ko na gawa sa bakal ito. Pero katulad ng maraming bagay, nasisira din ito. Kaya huwag kang magtaka kung pilit kong sinusukat ang voltage mo. Baka kasi kapag nasobrahan, bigla na lang itong sumabog…mag-short circuit, at makuryente lang ako. Kapag kulang, baka hindi na ito gumana ng maayos. Dapat sakto lang. Yung spark na magpapatunog nito ng magagandang musika, at hindi makakasira sa kanyang makina. Oo, maselan ang radyo na ito. Kaya sinasala ko ng mabuti ang kuryenteng magpapagana dito. Balang araw, alam ko na kakalawangin din ito, masisira, mabubulok, mawawasak. Pero sisiguraduhin ko, na bago yun mangyari, nakapagbigay muna ito ng magandang musika sa pandinig ng tenga ko, at ng ibang tagapakinig nito. Oo, takot akong mabasag ito nang basta-basta. Kaya sana, hayaan mo munang makapag-adjust ang wiring nito. Pero, kung sa tingin mo hindi compatible, ipaalam mo nang mas maaga. Para hindi na mapasubo ang radyo na may malaking halaga sa pagkatao ko.

Best Friends

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

BEST FRIENDS.

they are there for you… to mess with your day, to eat your chocolates, to sleep in your bed, to paint your nails red, to tell you you’re ugly, to choose that perfect dress, to borrow your shoes and clothes (and seldom have them returned), to consume your mum’s groceries, to wake you up at 3 am because they can’t fall asleep, breaks up with their boyfriend for a day so that you’ll have a date on valentine’s day, bring you to the weirdest places, have those epic faces to make you laugh, run and dance in the rain with you, go shopping with you, fights for you, laughs with you, cries with you, and GROW OLD with you.

You will have a couple, or plenty, of boyfriends…but in our lifetime, most often than not, we only have that ONE best friend we can always count on. So don’t you ever leave them…they’re worth a lifetime of friendship… more genuine than anyone could ever be …

Lou, Rej, Karl, Lei, Joemz

Payee, Tel, Karl, Nah, Ai, Mica, Marj

Not Your Kinda Girl♥

I know that I’m not a supermodel-type of girl. I’m not petite. I am more of a voluptuous type. I don’t have a perfect hair—mine mess-up a lot. And most days, it doesn’t fall out right. I don’t have pretty dress, designer bags and shoes. I dress up based on comfort, and seldom goes by the trend. I love the colors of black and red, because they enhance my complexion. I am picky, perfectionist, and sometimes OC. I have a list of my own rules and standards, and I exempt only those who are worthy. I am bad-tempered when I’m not in the mood, but I can lengthen my patience if I choose to. I am “mataray” and “maldita”—I never deny that, because that’s part of the person that I am. I am mean and I can be a total bitch* if I have to. You see, I am not your perfect kind of girl. I mess up a lot! I can break hearts in a snap, but I can mend one with a laugh*. I can be kind. I seldom make judgment if I know that I am in no position to make one. I make mistakes—a lot. But I know how to forgive, as long as I can…with or without apologies uttered*. I give chances—always, if you ask for one. I give my trust completely. But if you break it, then it’s gone. But if you can mend that trust, then it’s going to be a gift—don’t waste that chance*.

When I love someone—people—like family and friends, I take care of them…make sure they’re fine. Wipe their tears, laugh with their hearts out, and give them a shoulder to lean on…with our home always open…and TIME to spend with them. I devote myself to people I love*… hate those who hurt them, and thank those who make them smileJ I know I’m not perfect, because no one is. But if you give me chance…and try to know me…maybe, just maybe—you’ll fall in love with the imperfect ME♥

A Ghost of a Past’s Choice

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

Someone once asked me, “Why did you take up nursing?” Well, I don’t want to make up reasons which will certainly become a lie. Actually, my parents wanted me to. But if I’d truly be asked, what I wanted for myself…answer is, I don’t know. That’s why I went with what my parents told me. Besides, parents know best right? The question is, if I will survive this.

Another someone asked me, “Why didn’t you quit? If that’s not what you wanted” Well, truth is, I still don’t know. I just told myself that, if this is what God wanted for me, then let it be. Now the question is, is this really what God wanted for me or I just assumed it was?

The problem with me is that I don’t know what I want for myself. I’m a coward for what it’s worth. Not brave enough to try something out of the ordinary…too scared of taking risks and failing afterward…too afraid of finding out if it’s all worth it, or just another blow in the air. I always feel like, “I can’t” even without trying. Maybe because I’m that type of person who constantly seeks for everyone’s approval: too concerned of what others may think, and cannot handle too much criticism. I am that someone who hasn’t experienced defeat, because I am a mediocre…not going far enough to move forward and walk some rocks.

But if there is anything worthwhile in all this, it’s the experience I had while in college. Behind all the drama in all those four years, lies a life’s worth of learning of which I would not dare trade with anything.

photo credits: weheartit.com

Not everyone could go beyond the white walls of the hospital and see some real action and quality drama. E.R is my favorite hangout—simply because it keeps me active and moving while on duty. It’s not okay to see bloody people around, or to receive a patient who just had a Cardiac Arrest. Sometimes, it can be downright scary, and there were times when I just froze in one corner or even close my eyes because it was simply too much for me to handle. O.R is also a favorite—I love the fact that I could see live pictures of body parts on which for most people, they only see on pictures/books or TV. I am able to take a very close look on God’s intricate and most impressive creation: the Human Body. If special areas activate me, Wards drown me to boredom with its routinely work…but in these places, you meet real people—really sick people whom you could talk to, and if you’re lucky, even inspire you. In Wards, you take care of them—strangers—patients—clients—and some could become your friend.

This has been my life as a nursing student. And if you’d ask me again, “Why I didn’t leave?”—maybe, just maybe—I love what I do…or should I say what it did to me.

FALLING STARS.

I'm not looking for love. It will come, the way shooting stars lit up the skies.

I’m not waiting, nor expecting.

Not assuming nor engaging on anything.

Life has rules.

Falling in love has its rules.

I’ve got my own rules.

And once I get to that point, where rules are no longer rules,

And you become an exception to those rules,

Then that’s the time I can say, “Love has fallen” like the stars are falling.