When It’s Time for Goodbyes

It’s never easy to let someone go…to say goodbye…and be on your own. We are never prepared for departures—needless to say, a permanent one at that. No matter how much you know that it’s going to be the end, or when someone says it’s gonna be okay if it ever ends…still, watching people go remains to be heartbreaking. It’s like watching someone walk away with their backs on you, and you know that you’re never gonna see their faces again…only memories will remain.

Someone once said that it’s not on how people died that we should remember, but on how people lived. Upon watching the movie, My Sister’s Keeper, Anna’s last words before the closing credits bore a significant message to me. She said, “Once upon a time, I thought I was put on earth to save my sister. In the end, I couldn’t do it. I realized now, that wasn’t the point…the point was I had a sister. She was fantastic!” Beginnings and endings are just part of the story…how we were born, or how we’ll ever die is just part of life. What matters is that, we lived.

The movie was about Kate Fitzgerald who was diagnosed with Leukemia…or should I say about Anna Fitzgerald—her sister’s keeper…or maybe both. When Kate was first diagnosed, her doctor advised her parents that she needed a match to save her life. Anna was genetically conceived to be her match. All of Anna’s life, she has been donating her parts to her sister—from the moment she was born, for eleven years. She has been giving Kate her blood, granulocytes, bone marrows, etc. until one day she came to a lawyer and said she no longer wanted to give any of her parts to her sister…even if she knows it could kill Kate. She said, she wanted control over her own body and wanted a “medical emancipation”—or is it really? Anna knew she was born for a reason…and that is to save her sister’s life. I guess all of us were put on earth for a reason too. There are no coincidences, nor accidents in life. Maybe the only difference is that Anna knew it too soon unlike the rest of us.

Kate—she was so young when she learned that her life is on the edge of a cliff. Yet, she battled it through and stayed a little bit longer. She saw her sister grow and Anna watched over her and took care of her. She fell in love with a fellow patient, and felt broken too when he died without saying goodbye after their prom. She’s still alive but dead was lurking over her life…and her family too. Her mom has been taking care of her, staying by her side all the time, and gave up everything to fight the battle with her. I could say the same for her dad, and brother, and sister, and the rest of their family. I wonder what it feels like seeing your family like that—doing everything to make you feel better…to somehow make everything seem normal even if everyone knows it isn’t…or at least make everything okay. Kate has been fighting for her life…but everyone gets tired along the way, including her. But she couldn’t seem to give up—for her mom, for her family.

It was Kate who asked Anna to go to the lawyer. It turned out that she no longer wanted to have any more surgeries. She wanted to free Anna and allow her to live a life outside the shadows of being her sister’s life-saver. That was the last thing she asked from her sister.

Kate died. Her last wish was to see the beach…to be with her family at the beach. It was the moment in the movie wherein you’ll realize how bitterly sweet life could be. She had a wonderful family…she has been given all the love that somehow made her life a little bit longer…and happy…but that’s it. In the end, when your time is up, you have to go. She died with the last person on her side—her mom. They had to let go, and move forward.

Someone once asked, “What will you do today if you know you’re going to die tomorrow?” In Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist he said, “To die tomorrow was no worse than dying on any other day” so why does the last day be any different from the rest? Make your life count, even when your days are numbered… live each day like it’s your last…because in the end, you’ll never know when it’s time…you’ll never know when it’s the last. Dying is always scary…and the hardest part is leaving the people you love behind...but the best part is, knowing you made a difference in someone else’s life while you’re alive. 

My Sister's Keeper is a 2009 American drama film directed by Nick Cassavetes. Based on Jodi Picoult's novel.

Film released on June 26, 2009.

Cast:

Cameron Diaz as Sara Fitzgerald

Alec Baldwin as Campbell Alexander

Abigail Breslin as Anna Fitzgerald

Sofia Vassilieva as Kate Fitzgerald

Jason Patric as Brian Fitzgerald

Evan Ellingson as Jesse Fitzgerald

Heather Wahlquist as Aunt Kelly

Luke Wilson as Edward Alexander

Elizabeth Daily as Nurse Susan

Lin Shaye as Nurse Adele

Joan Cusack as Judge De Salvo

Thomas Dekker as Taylor Ambrose

Jeffrey Markle as Dr. Wayne

Emily Deschanel as Dr. Farquad

Amit Khanduja as Chief Surgeon

Olivia Hancock as Young Kate Fitzgerald

Sa Huling Pagkakataon

photo credits: weheartit.com

Sa 15 na taon ng pagiging estudyante, nagkaroon ako ng 7 uri o design ng school uniform—1 noong Kinder/Prep, 3 noong Elementary, 1 high school, at 2 ngayong college (type A, B, at meron pa plang C—for civilian…3 pala). Laging tig-3 set ang bawat isa…5 set ang type A or clinical uniform ko…lahat lahat at meron akong naging 23 na uniform…isama mo pa ang mga naging PE uniform ko…hindi ko na mabilang…

Ano nga ba ang meron sa school uniform? Bakit sa tuwing naiisip ko ang huling araw ng pagsuot ko nito ay nakakadama ako ng kakaibang lungkot? Kung tutuusin, kapirasong tela lang naman ito, at marami ka pang kaparehong design…at hindi ito pasok sa fashion statement ng mga tao. Pero bakit kakaiba sa pakiramdam mawalay dito?

Sabi nila, ang school uniform daw ay form of identity. Ito ang pagkakakilanlan ng paaralang iyong pinapasukan. Araw-araw pagpasok, ay suot-suot ko ito. Minsan na din akong na-late dahil sa hindi plantsadong uniform, at pumasok na parang hahabulin lang ng plantsa…napagalitan dahil sa “incomplete uniform” at hindi papasukin sa klase dahil sa “not in uniform”. Umulan man o umaraw school uniform ang kasabay ko sa pagpasok sa klase…may transport strike o wala…first Friday masses, third Sunday masses at sa mga misa na idinadaos sa school…school programs, recognition day, teacher’s day, valentine’s day, at sa pagkarami-rami pang pagkakataon. Suot ko ang school uniform ko sa mga masasaya at di gaano kasayang mga sandali ng pagiging estudyante ko. Ito ang suot ko nang makilala ko ang mga kaibigan ko…nang matutunan ko ang photosynthesis, solar system, Laws of Motion, pag-solve ng Algebra, Trig at Geometry problems… nang makilala ko sina Einstein, Newton, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Robert Frost, Homer, Elizabeth Browning, Confucius, Jose Rizal, Apolinario Mabini, Emilio Aguinaldo, at marami pang iba. Ito rin ang suot ko nang makilala ko ang teachers na naging inspirasyon ko at hinangaan, at minsan ding naisipang gayahin. Marahil ito rin ang suot ko nang matuto akong magdasal at nang unang natutong mangarap.

Sa bawat uniform na meron ako, may kakabit itong mga alaala ng kabataan ko, mga naging pangarap, mga pinaghirapang exams, mga nadaluhang recognition day kung saan sinasabitan ako ng medalya…at napakarami pang karanasan ng pagiging estudyante. Sa bawat araw na suot ko ang mga ito, ipinagmamalaki ko ito. Nagsisilbi itong simbolo ng aking paglalakbay tungo sa pag-abot ng aking mga pangarap. Sa bawat panahong nagdadaan, kumukupas din ang mga ito—ngunit hindi ang mga hibla ng pagsusumikap, para makapagtapos ng pag-aaral, na kakabit narin nito.

photo credits: weheartit.com

Ang aking school uniforms ay bahagi na rin ng aking pagkatao. Kakabit nito ang naging buhay ko sa loob ng mga paaralang minsan ko ding naging tahanan. Maaaring bukas na ang maging huling araw ng pagsuot ko ng aking school uniform. Sa March 30, 2011, sa wakas ay ga-graduate na ako, huling araw na ng pagiging estudyante ko.  Magiging panatag na ang mga magulang ko, dahil alam nila na kahit saan man ako magpunta, may natapos na ako. Sa susunod na linggo, itatago ko na ang mga naging school uniform ko, ngunit hindi ang mga aral na natutunan ko sa loob ng 15 taon na suot ko ito. Maswerte ako dahil nakapag-aral ako…maswerte ako dahil magagandang uniform ang isinuot ko…at ang mga ito ang habambuhay kong ipagpapasalamat at magiging simbolo ng pagtuklas ko ng karunungan, at ng halaga ng mga pangarap sa ating buhay. At sa lahat ng naging school uniform ko, SALAMAT at sinamahan niyo ako….

PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE...

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Sometimes, the people we’ve come to know don’t always stay as they are…and the friends we knew all along are not fated to stay on our sides forever…the promises that were once made are almost always…forgotten.

People change ‘cause they have to, or need to…or maybe, they just wanted to change. It’s not always that the people you’ve come to know remain unchanged all their life. It is part of the life cycle that we undergo metamorphosis. But the hard part is, to accept those changes and to come friends with yet another stranger.


ARMOUR

I battled this life with comrades ready to lend their armors…we are a battalion of brave and united soldiers who promised each other that no matter what happen, all of us would come out as survivors—though bruised and wounded, are stronger and feistier.

…taking a look behind me, the battalion becomes lesser in number as days pass. Not because they are defeated, but because they’ve lost their way and somehow forgotten the battle they’re supposed to face.

Where are they now? Am I really supposed to go on my own pace? Or just accept the fact that some people have to walk their own trails?

My heart hasn't been ready for goodbyes, but it has always been open for strangers who are willing to fight along my side, and finish the battle I’ve come to face…

VANISH

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

I’m starting to shiver

In this cold quiet ground

Waiting for my hero’s return

To savage my heart’s frozen sound

The heartbeat’s gone

The sun is down

The stars hide

Behind the cloud’s silhouette blinds

The darkness envelope

The misty eyes of love

Behind a river flows

Lost in an ocean’s ghost

I start to shiver

In this lost heart of mine

Deep in a river of sorrow

In the vast lonely night

I cuddle myself for life

While my thoughts linger behind

Why have you deserted me?

Am I not worth the fight?