Zilch 102

Yung moment na pinipilit ko na lang talaga maging masaya kasi wala naman mangyayari kung magiging malungkot ka...

Nakakapagod din pala maging malakas para sa lahat... nakakapagod din pasayahin ang iba, kasi nakakalimutan mo na ikaw din pala, kailangan ng magpapasaya...

Unfair ang life, kasi minsan, sa dinami-dami ng kasama mo araw araw andun pa rin yung feeling na mag-isa ka lang talaga... at yung feeling na hindi mo magawang sabihin lahat ng ito sa iba kasi ayaw mong kaawaan ka nila.

10.01.11

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

Dear Circle,

Now I know how you feel. It’s probably the worst feeling in the world…the feeling that your life is pointless. That every day, you’re just rolling around with the punches. I feel so worthless right now…and worst of all, with no one to ever talk to. No one to tell me that “you know, it’s gonna be alright”. I agree with what they say…that even though you know that it’s not gonna be alright, you would still feel better just by hearing those words from somebody—that assurance that somehow, somebody out there believes that you’re going to be just fine, even though you doubt it yourself. I feel like I could cry the entire day right now…but I’m not gonna do that you know…because I try to be stronger…and pretend to be braver. I don’t want to ruin that bravado. So after crying my heart out for fifteen minutes, here I am, steeling myself—trying so hard to stop these tears from falling. Damn these tears!!! I don’t wanna cry now. I don’t wanna see myself in the mirror with those puffy eyes…’coz every time I do, I feel so weak. I don’t understand why these tears can’t be stopped from falling…maybe because I was so hurt…maybe because these were the hurts I’ve been keeping for so long already.

Every day, I’ve been filling myself with optimism…that somehow, this void would be filled. But after all the efforts, I still see myself barren…empty. I really don’t know why. Maybe, that’s because I really can’t seem to understand myself. I really don’t know what to do. I feel so alone. I feel that nobody understands me. I miss my high school girlfriends. They are the only ones who can read between the lines. That somehow, just by looking at me, they know something’s ain’t right. Oh damn these tears for falling…they don’t know how to stop. I feel so tired now…tired from everything.

Circle, do you also feel something like this? Seeing all your friends like square for example, that their life mean something…that they’re doing something with it because they know what to do with it and you don’t? And that they are born with confidence and courage to pursue what they want? That every time you try to build your confidence for quite some time, one blow could easily break them up…and you rebuild again, and it’s never really that strong…and it could easily be shattered?

I know that there are people who believe in me. I just really wish that they are here right now. Circle, even though our life is pointless, I hope that somewhere out there, there is a place where we belong.

Just Wanna Ask..

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

How do you know if it’s real?

Does it matter, to know what the other person feel?

How do you withstand a fight?

Do you know that your instincts might be right?

When can you see the truth that hid behind a lie?

Do you believe that most love stories are tragedies?

Do you believe that sometimes, it’s simply not meant to be?

Do you believe in miracles?

Or would you rather believe that most times, it’s just a mere coincidence?

Who are you behind a mask?

Does it matter if you can’t be beautiful from the outside?

Where were you 5 years ago?

Who would you be ten years from now?

Do you matter in some other’s life?

Are you just by yourself most of the time?

Is life too short to live?

Or you’re just too scared of the real life there is to breathe?

How does your heart beat?

Is love, when it dies, the hardest thing to revive?

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Sometimes, the people we’ve come to know don’t always stay as they are…and the friends we knew all along are not fated to stay on our sides forever…the promises that were once made are almost always…forgotten.

People change ‘cause they have to, or need to…or maybe, they just wanted to change. It’s not always that the people you’ve come to know remain unchanged all their life. It is part of the life cycle that we undergo metamorphosis. But the hard part is, to accept those changes and to come friends with yet another stranger.

YOU DON’T KNOW

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

Why do we allow people to dictate which image should we pose? Do they even know the depth of our souls? Do they even know the pain behind each tear we shed? Do they even feel the emptiness that creeps in when the lights are off? Do they even walk the dark streets alone? Do they know the heartbreaks that line the scars of my hope?

Nobody knows how to be me… and nobody cares whether I know the real me… where can you find yourself when you’re lost? How do you go back home when the tunnel is doomed? How can you make corrections to the wrong decisions you made?

Is happiness limitless? Or does it have boundary?