A Ghost of a Past’s Choice

Disclaimer: photo not mine.

Someone once asked me, “Why did you take up nursing?” Well, I don’t want to make up reasons which will certainly become a lie. Actually, my parents wanted me to. But if I’d truly be asked, what I wanted for myself…answer is, I don’t know. That’s why I went with what my parents told me. Besides, parents know best right? The question is, if I will survive this.

Another someone asked me, “Why didn’t you quit? If that’s not what you wanted” Well, truth is, I still don’t know. I just told myself that, if this is what God wanted for me, then let it be. Now the question is, is this really what God wanted for me or I just assumed it was?

The problem with me is that I don’t know what I want for myself. I’m a coward for what it’s worth. Not brave enough to try something out of the ordinary…too scared of taking risks and failing afterward…too afraid of finding out if it’s all worth it, or just another blow in the air. I always feel like, “I can’t” even without trying. Maybe because I’m that type of person who constantly seeks for everyone’s approval: too concerned of what others may think, and cannot handle too much criticism. I am that someone who hasn’t experienced defeat, because I am a mediocre…not going far enough to move forward and walk some rocks.

But if there is anything worthwhile in all this, it’s the experience I had while in college. Behind all the drama in all those four years, lies a life’s worth of learning of which I would not dare trade with anything.

photo credits: weheartit.com

Not everyone could go beyond the white walls of the hospital and see some real action and quality drama. E.R is my favorite hangout—simply because it keeps me active and moving while on duty. It’s not okay to see bloody people around, or to receive a patient who just had a Cardiac Arrest. Sometimes, it can be downright scary, and there were times when I just froze in one corner or even close my eyes because it was simply too much for me to handle. O.R is also a favorite—I love the fact that I could see live pictures of body parts on which for most people, they only see on pictures/books or TV. I am able to take a very close look on God’s intricate and most impressive creation: the Human Body. If special areas activate me, Wards drown me to boredom with its routinely work…but in these places, you meet real people—really sick people whom you could talk to, and if you’re lucky, even inspire you. In Wards, you take care of them—strangers—patients—clients—and some could become your friend.

This has been my life as a nursing student. And if you’d ask me again, “Why I didn’t leave?”—maybe, just maybe—I love what I do…or should I say what it did to me.

THANK YOU LORD!!

For the past months, I have been praying to the Lord our God for my license. Along with those prayers are hardwork and perseverance. The inspiration my family, friends and mentors has given me are my fuel which gets me going through the ride. Now, that I finally reap the fruits of my labor, I would like to thank everyone who were with me and never left my side. I know that this is just the beginning of a tougher journey ahead. The challenges of finding a job, the resilience if unable to find one, and the patience to wait for the opportunities, are tests to deal with in due time. Nevertheless, I have a greater God who are my wings as I soar through these clear or cloudy skies.

"Whatever Jesus has entrusted to you, use it in service for others and for God"

These are the parting words of the priest a while ago after the mass. Jesus entrusted the key to the Kingdom of God to Peter, the rock, of whom the church was built. Whatever he bound on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever we lose on earth, we will lose in heaven. In today's Word of God, He tells us that through Peter's courage and faith, God has made him the instrument to build His church. God has given me my license to become a nurse, and entrusted me the opportunity to touch lives in a way I was made for. As Jesus entrusted the key and the establishment of the church to Peter and the Apostles, much has been expected from them, and they delivered through the power and guidance of the Holy Spirit. Now, that I am officially licensed, I felt like I, too, has been entrusted with the key—a key of which greater responsibility held. I know I must deliver too, like one of Jesus' most loved disciple. There's no pressure in there because He knows what I can do and capable of—besides, the Holy Spirit is always with me to smoothen the creases whenever necessary. That's my faith—as to my courage, I am working on that everyday!!! What's there life to offer me is a mystery that's gonna make the upcoming days of my life a one heck of a ride that's gonna be fun, bumpy at times, but definitely fun!

Nursing isn't always my first choice...but I am going to prove, that I actually made the right choice. It's not the money, but it's the job—the chance to make a difference just by simply caring to mere strangers. "Whatever you do the rest of your brothers and sisters, you do it to Me" as what Jesus has once said. I promised myself to better in my profession by loving and embracing what I have in my hands.

POSTSCRIPT:

I would like to thank God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, for holding me tight especially on times that I'm slowly slipping away.

Thank you to Our lady of Salvation of whose light emanates in the four corners of my room—in those nights that seems scary and gloomy, her light calms my soul...and that same light is a spark of hope for a better day ahead.

Thank You to the great Saints of whom their intercessions I called—St. Jude Thaddeus, St. Benedict, St. Agnes, St. Anthony of Padua, St. Clare, and to Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.

Thank you to my loving parents—mama and papa—they are my source of strength, inspiration, and most importantly, financial support (haha)...they're the best, most loving parents in the world! ...to my sister who is patient (if not always) with me, and my brother as well... to my Auntie whose there to hang-out with me and bring noise to my room...to my cousins, esp. Carla, my ex-roommate (miss you!!)...and to the rest of my aunts and uncles, and to my Grandmothers as well...

BUCN family—one of the strangely amazing family there is for me...who taught me independence, and how to find my motivation in the midst of adversaries and ambivalence—it is always the service for other people that makes Nursing a humble and noble profession—my great mentors has taught me that...and that's why I made it this far. Great efforts from strongly dedicated and caring professors...a great deal of gratitude belongs to you!!!

My colleagues now—BALLAMO DEMIRA, BLOCK BEE, DIYES the Insensitives, Group Six and Batch 2011 of BUCN—a hell of a job we did out there!!!—97.69% is incredibly a performance to date!!! CONGRATULATES to everyone!!! see you sa oath-taking...

Payee, Pepot, Tel, Neren, Marj, Hannah...thank you for standing by...kahit kelan, hindi kayo nawala...love you guys!!! 

Agnesian community, and my former batchmates....thank you sa prayers and tiwala...

Kuya Honest...salamat sa pakikigulo sa amin...hahaha...

...and to my Pentagon-Legaspi family...it was a tremendous and totally fun learning experience with you... I never thought I would enjoy the concepts of nursing this much...thank you sa Magic 5 and to sir DJ...Kudos!!