THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE

Source: weheartit.com

This is the year I considered most significant in my maturity. I learned important lessons in life and relearned the things I refuse to learn before. My heart has been broken, and made whole again…I was wounded, healed, got some scars, and in some way had those scars bleed once more… Nevertheless, I learned. In those acquaintances, I came up with the realization—that true happiness lies beneath the surface… its beyond laughter, good company, achievements and victories… it comes genuinely after a big trial: like a battle of survival, an obstacle course, or a maze adventure—and somehow, notwithstanding the doubts and discouragement, above with faith and trust…I survived—simply because I didn’t quit…just moved forward.

I can say that my year ended practically how it started—unusually cold and melancholic. But it’s the middle that could count the most. It’s like a roller coaster ride…full of ups and downs, twists and turns, nerves, surprises, and relief upon reaching its end. When I rode in, I was full of crap…I was scared, a coward, never wanting to embark on such kind of ride because on my mind I don’t need it. I’ve seen how it rolls and thought that I can already imagine how it feels even at a distance. It’s scary and dangerous. I’m such a chicken trying to rationalize my fears and inhibitions. Even so, I still found myself on the ride, occasionally closing my eyes, feeling the chill of air on my face, shouting, and gasping for breath whenever I look down. The only thing that keeps me together is the metal brace on which I hold on for some strength and for the assurance that I won’t fall no matter how bloodcurdling it all gets. When it’s finally over, I felt that I’m still holding my breath…and with a sigh of relief—it’s all over. The ride was over, and for a moment I found myself breathing a new form of air—a new form of courage and strength…a new me. Indeed, it’s never the same feeling when you’re just a spectator and then being able to experience the actual thing. When you’re in it, you’ll understand why you need to close your eyes every once in a while, why you have to see the view from atop even when you’re scared to see how high you might fall, why you have to be scared sometimes, and why you need to shout and burst when it gets rough.

My year ended the way it started, simply because I’m still scared to ride. I guess it would never go away…that thing called fear. Yet, as I say, I learned and it’s a new me. I may be feared but I uncovered the skill of closing my eyes, looking above and beyond, and shouting for whatever my heart yearns to holler. My year ends with cold and melancholy, but it’s also coupled with peace and audacity. My heart’s chaos while riding my roller coaster is now culminated by the stillness of air. I guess I’m just getting all wrapped up for another adventure…for another ride…

Source: weheartit.com

Now, as I glimpse back on the year that comes to pass, I can say that in life, there are no rewinds…no shortcuts, no rules, no clear end and destination. You just move forward…always moving forward…catching the next ride, and the next, and the next, until you reach the end. In the process, you leave something behind, to remind you where you’ve been and where you came from; and bring something with you in return, so that you’ll always have something with you as you go. We might get lost once in a while, stumble, fall, get hurt, and betrayed by circumstances at times…but we never back down…because that’s only the way life goes. By the end, genuine happiness truly belong to those who worked for it, to those who deserve it, to those who wait and are willing to sacrifice for its cost—for genuine happiness doesn’t come in a handy…it surfaces only to those who are willing to discover it’s real meaning.